I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
