Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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