Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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