He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
