just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
