Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
