He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
