david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
