literally had 100 drinks last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
