Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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