So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
