There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
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I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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