If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She needs sedatives and a leash
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
