Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
