so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
