Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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