girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
