You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she told me i tasted like america
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
