he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Terrible idea I love it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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