Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
