She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
