Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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