in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
