this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
