We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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