Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
