I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize