So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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