you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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