definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
