Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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