I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
