Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
