Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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