Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
