I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
