I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
