I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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