I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
