He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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