who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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