my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
