i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
