Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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