I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
