Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
