this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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