There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
