The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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