people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
