i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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