Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
