Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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