I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
