I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
