her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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