God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
