Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
