It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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