I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My ass is underappreciated
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
