your thong is hanging out like whoa
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You ruined the universe
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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