Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
